The Forgotten Art of Love - Book Review
Throughout the ages, prophets, artists, musicians, saints and sages have espoused the importance of love above everything else. While it is said to be one of the most important factors in our lives, how often do we examine love in an attempt to understand how it affects us and our world? Cardiologist and professor Armin Zadeh does just this in his newest book The Forgotten Art of Love: What Love Means and Why It Matters.
By outlining the types of love, why we love, and love as an art, Dr. Zadeh lays a foundation for further examination of love in the world and how we can facilitate personal growth, fulfillment, health and happiness by understanding the various aspects and potential that love offers. Through the lens of psychologist Erich Fromm's classic book, The Art of Loving, as well as historical philosophers, biologists, sociologists, economists and historians, a comprehensive analysis of love is detailed for the reader to comprehend the vast multi-faceted nature of love. While the first chapters are devoted to a historical understanding of the concepts of love, the remaining chapters dive deep into the myriad of ways we connect, live and breath love throughout our lives. Understanding the vast landscape of love enables us to make sense of the tremendous role love plays in each of our lives.
Each chapter focuses on different aspects of love when understood enable us to live a happier and more productive life. A big concept of grasping this understanding involves moving our focus from an egocentric viewpoint to one of placing value on the well being and happiness of others. In the chapter titled "Love and Romantic Relationships", Dr. Zadeh notes that long lasting romantic relationships require a commitment to prioritizing love over other time restraints such as work, social contacts, personal ambitions and economic worries. By making balance a key priority, we are able to "keep a close eye on each other's contentment all the time" while also receiving love which is just as important. Five common ways of conveying love to a partner, as outlined by author Gary Chapman, are: words of affirmation, spending quality time together, offering gifts, performing acts of service and physical touch. Clear communication is paramount for partners to identify what makes them happy. "Focus, attention, effort, and communication are the fundamental principals that allow us to make our partner happy."
While philosophers throughout history have pondered love and the meaning of life with varying conclusions, one fact that is consistent with each analysis is "the belief that human suffering is relieved by achieving a state of selflessness, sometimes referred to as a 'liberation of the soul'" that allows us to "achieve peace by defeating our instinct for egotism." Each of us has the ability to experience profound love in our lives but only to the level we invest in it. Dr. Zadeh emphasizes the fact that "our success largely depends on how much effort and focus we are willing to expend. Love is not free in the sense that it may require as much dedication and focus as any other great aim in life. The good news is that we can have it if we really want it and are willing to value it over other goals. In other words, if we manage to maintain control of our self-serving impulses and concentrate on love, we will achieve happiness. Guaranteed."
"A Call for Teaching Love", is a chapter in which Dr. Zadeh brings our attention to the importance of educating our children in the aspects of love and personal development to prepare them for life. While children learn other skills to prepare them for life, such as history, mathematics, science and languages, the skill and art of mastering the principals of love are largely absent from our education system. By being prepared to deal with emotions and relationships, our children will have the ability and confidence to tackle societal pressures and stress in a productive way that will enhance and benefit their lives as well as those around them. "Children who recognize the critical need to love themselves and also accept love, without the need for external validation, are better positioned to face life," says Dr. Zadeh. By laying the foundation in every child to find love and mature into a loving person, the author emphasizes that "we can teach children that love starts with awareness of our actions and thoughts; that love is innate in all of us, but we must protect it against competing, self-serving impulses; that love is not a stroke of fortune but something that is under their own control; that anyone can attain love if they devote effort and focus to it."
In his conclusion Dr. Zadeh makes a profound statement for all of us to consider; "While love cannot explain the purpose of all life, it can provide the guidance for purposeful living. With or without the structure of religion, love provides the answers for a happy, fulfilled life." This book is a must read for everyone who values the myriad of relationships each of us has with the world and how we can thrive and grow in those relationships and have a positive impact on the world around us.
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Cultivating Mindfulness: How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation
Cultivating mindfulness is the key to overcoming suffering and recognizing natural wisdom: both our own and others'. How do we go about it?
In the Buddhist tradition and in Contemplative Psychotherapy training, we nurture mindfulness through the practice of sitting meditation. There are many different kinds of meditation. For example, some are designed to help us relax; others are meant to produce altered states of consciousness.
Mindfulness meditation is unique in that it is not directed toward getting us to be different from how we already are. Instead, it helps us become aware of what is already true moment by moment. We could say that it teaches us how to be unconditionally present; that is, it helps us be present with whatever is happening, no matter what it is.
Mindfulness, paying precise, nonjudgmental attention to the details of our experience as it arises and subsides, doesn't reject anything. Instead of struggling to get away from experiences we find difficult, we practice being able to be with them. Equally, we bring mindfulness to pleasant experiences as well. Perhaps surprisingly, many times we have a hard time staying simply present with happiness. We turn it into something more familiar, like worrying that it won't last or trying to keep it from fading away.
When we are mindful, we show up for our lives; we don't miss them in being distracted or in wishing for things to be different. Instead, if something needs to be changed we are present enough to understand what needs to be done. Being mindful is not a substitute for actually participating in our lives and taking care of our own and others' needs. In fact, the more mindful we are, the more skillful we can be in compassionate action.
It's Still Such a Wonderful World
It's easy to lose sight of the beauty of the world in the midst of tragedy, political upheaval, injustice and suffering. While we continue with our practice, working to ease the suffering of others and living a life of compassion and Love, we also need to be mindful and grateful for the beauty of the world that still surrounds us when we choose Love. Like Pops says, "Love baby. Love. That's the secret."
"What a Wonderful World" [1970 Spoken Introduction Version] along with Oliver Nelson's Orchestra is a song written by Bob Thiele (as George Douglas) and George David Weiss. It was first recorded by Louis Armstrong and released as a single in 1968. Thiele and Weiss were both prominent in the music world (Thiele as a producer and Weiss as a composer/performer). Armstrong's recording was inducted in the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1999. Intended as an antidote for the increasingly racially and politically charged climate of everyday life in the United States, the song also has a hopeful, optimistic tone with regard to the future, with reference to babies being born into the world and having much to look forward to.
From Yama to Samyama
However, the ultimate goal of practicing yoga is to achieve transcendence and to break this cyclic existence. Dharana, dhyana, and samadhi are the three states that prepare one toward this transcendental goal. These three together is called Samyama (sam meaning total and yama meaning to control). “So Samyama means complete mastery over the psychic process or complete control of mental concentration.”